Test of Faith....continued

If you haven't read the previous post....read that first then come back to this one...

And first let me add to that last post that being a stay at home mom is a wonderful choice, it was just not one that I thought was for me. Please don't be offended by what I said yesterday - it was my total ignorance in my previous mindset.

So to continue...during the week of trials and life just pouring rain down on our little family, there were also amazing blessings:

Quitting the job - I feel like we just simplified our life x 100! I have felt weight lifted off of me that I didn't know I was carrying around. Such a liberating feeling.

Josh's work - You know they basically told Josh it was totally his fault, but the procedure was they had to do an investigation on the equipment. Turns out, after that investigation there was something wrong with the axel on the equipment and so it WAS NOT his fault...and he got paid for the day off! YIPPEE!

My doctor visit - they do the second blood test, which gives them a more accurate reading of what my body is actually doing, some kind of freeze your blood and then analyzing...but that came out in the normal range! On both the sugar and the calcium for the parathyroid. WOW!

Expenses will always come up - We are realizing quickly the difference between needs and wants. Seriously - where did all the $ go that I made?

And truthfully, I can see how this staying at home business could be slightly like the movie groundhog day. But, also I think about everything that I can focus on now, and all the time I have to strengthen my family and isn't that what this is all about? Being a great wife and mom. Giving 110% percent - to the things that really matter. Taking time to enjoy life, even if it means going for a walk is like your treat for the day. Ya know?

We found out several people closest to us are expecting. Which totals 3 in the immediate circle of family and friends. 7 people we closely associate that will be having a baby within the next 9 months. And that gives us great hope. HOPE is my favorite thing to feel. Hope that our baby is coming and that this is part of the journey for us. HOPE.

Brayden is happy. He has always been happy, but there is a certain comfort or peace in him now that wasn't there before. Maybe it is that he knows we are happier, or the spirit of our home has changed. Or that there will be more homemade cookies for him to enjoy.

It is AWESOME to me. Can you believe all that happened within 14 days.

What would all that make you think?

Again, for us it totally made us feel like we made the right decision and that someone was trying to put doubts and frustrations in our heads.

Totally AWESOME that Heavenly Father knows us so incredibly personally. And I know that if he knows me so incredibly personally he knows each of us so incredibly personally, and he is aware of our struggles and our desires. Over the past year, preparing and being approved for adoption Josh and I have grown in so many ways, that it just astounds us! All we can do is be grateful. Grateful and prayerful that we have come one step closer to being the adoptive family that our birth parent is looking for. Preparing to meet them and including them in our life.

We can't help but be excited to see what is next!

much love, josh & mel

Test of Faith

Seems like all we have been talking about is how I quit my job. And here is more of the story!

This may sound lame, but we think it is the truth. I have never felt satan working so hard on us, as those 2 weeks between the time I submitted my 2 week notice, until my last day of work.

But first I have to explain a little, if someone had told me 1 year ago that I would quit my job and be a 'stay at home mom' I would have told them they were crazy. I love to work! I have always thought a woman should have some means to provide for herself, I thought that it was a cop out to be a 'stay at home mom'. I am a person that needs to be 'contributing' financially, anyway, the list goes on and on. So, when we got our answer that it was necessary for me to quit to further our adoption process - I would have to say I seriously doubted that and pleaded and thought of a million reasons to keep working, but if the lord is going to bless us with a child, we need to be obedient. So, we are trying to be obedient.

Also, I can remember 2 things back in the beginning of the adoption process.

1 - Our case worker telling us that to increase our chances I would need to quit my job.

Of course when she said that, I was quite offended.

But I get it now. If I was a birthmom, I think I would prefer to place my child with someone who was a stay at home mom.

2 - In our education classes something that stood out was of course the birth mom panel. One of them talked about how they were told over and over again in many various ways that she can do hard things.

I personally think placing a baby is above all - the hardest thing to do - but that it is sometimes necessary to make us better people, and for some reason we don't know we agreed to do that back before we were on the earth.

Bottom line - birthparents are the most incredible people I have ever met.

I continue to meet some, that I never knew about in my personal life and I just hug them and want to bow at their feet, but instead I just hug and pray for them. Seriously amazing people.

But back to the test of faith...

Here are a few of the big tests that came up in a 14 day period.

1 - Day 1: This goes without being said, but me quitting my job was incredibly hard for me. (previously discussed above).

2 - Day 4: Josh gets suspended from his job. Keep in mind, Josh has worked there for 7 years and had a perfect record. Lots could go wrong in his line of duty and there are lots of safety precautions they have to take. So, anyway his supervisor had to go by policy and suspend him without pay for 1 day and do an investigation.

3 - Day 4: I have my last team meeting where I meet with all my closest co-workers and I have to say good-bye. I feel like I am ditching them, and I feel bad.

4 - Day 5: I go to the dr, and have a follow up to a previous appointment for a general check up. In this previous check up they took and tested my blood. The dr had me back in to discuss the results....Keep in mind, when I had my job, I had regular checkups, there was a few things here and there but never any hospitalizations, or surgeries, or really anything that would cause alarm. So in this dr appointment on day 5 he tells me that the blood work came back and it looks like I am a diabetic, and that I need to have my para thyroid removed.

WHAT!? In my favorite words - WTF!

This is not part of the deal! I just quit, and we can't have this happen now!

So the dr has me go down and get another blood test to confirm what he thinks and then we will go from there. So now I am totally freaking out - feels like we might have just made a mistake with all these things going on.

5 - Day 7: We are in church and someone was talking and they said "When you feel anxiety about a decision, you have to push through and have faith especially if you know it is an answer to your prayer." Josh and I both looked at each other and read each others mind.

6 - Day 10: Several extra expenses came up.

7 - Day 12: I set on the scale and have magically lost 16 pounds over the previous 12 days. This doesn't every happen. I can work my butt off and still my body hangs onto every pound.

So there is the list of the major things that went down...all in less that 2 weeks.

And it was further proof to Josh and I that we had made the right decision, but why else would be having so many problems come up? So, for us we found great comfort in those and we started having the attitude of bring it on! We can do this, we can do hard things especially if it brings us closer to finding our birthparents and doing hard things.

to be continued.... (all the positive things that came out of the tests)

love, josh and mel