Our 10 year old is growing up!!!

Brayden and I were having a boys night this week and I started a conversation about girls. Now I wasn't starting THE talk. I was trying to gage if he had a crush on anyone. There is a girl in our neighborhood that I thought he had a thing for.... I started our conversation out like this. "Hey Brayden is there any boys in your class that have girlfriends?" He said, "No". Then I asked him if there is anyone in his grade that have girlfriends? He started counting. I was surprised by how many he was counting. He responded, "There is 5." (That might not be a lot to some people, I thought it was a lot.) I started asking questions about if he has a girlfriend and he said "no" and then I asked if he had a crush on anyone and he told me about two girls. One was in his class last year and one in his class this year. I asked what made him like them so much. "Cause they laugh at all my jokes!!" I started to laugh. I then asked what type of jokes he told them. "Not really jokes but, the noises I do!!" I asked what kind of noises he made. I heard the noise and I'll tell you the noise sounded a lot like in the movie "Dumb and Dumber" where Lloyd is trying share the most annoying sound in the world. IT WAS AWESOME!! I told him not to do too many weird noises so that he doesn't push theses girls away, or annoy them. I tried to tell him to just be nice and don't be mean to them. I then told him that if he ever has a girlfriend that he couldn't kiss or hold hands with them. "DAD I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!" I bet Mel wants him to stay this innocent all his life. I can't tell you how fun it is to see Brayden grow up in front of our eyes. It shocked me (in a good way) that he was so open with me. I couldn't tell my parents about the girls I liked in school...especially in elementary. I could later as I got older.

I'm really grateful that I have a good relationship with Brayden that he will talk to me about these things. One of the coolest nights I have had as a Dad.

Scout Camp!

Josh and Brayden had a fun filled day yesterday. They got to go to scout camp at Camp Keisel.

Brayden was excited because he had so much fun last year. The picture above is them leaving bright and early. They were gone all day, and Brayden had a lot of fun. He loves that his dad is his leader and gets to go with him.

When Brayden returned home I thought he would be on cloud nine, talking and telling me all about his day...he was tired! He also was disappointed. One of Brayden's favorite parts about scout camp is the store. They have all kinds of boy things...pocket knifes, arrowheads, etc.

Brayden decided to spend some of his allowance. He bought yet another pocket knife, an arrowhead necklace and a rabbit skin. He was most excited about the rabbit skin. Right after buying they sat down for lunch. Dad told Brayden several times to put his stuff in his backpack. Well, Brayden put the pocket knife in his pocket and the arrowhead necklace around his neck and he left his new found prized possession on the table to be right by him as he ate....

you got it. The treasured rabbit skin got left after lunch as they moved on to more excited things, and when Brayden realized and headed back...it was gone. Brayden was SO disappointed.

Other than that, they did have a good day and were so tired they went to bed super early!

Summer!

We are excited for summer around here! Brayden and Mel made this poster:

Brayden's top 3 picks to do first are:

- Sleeping on the tramp with mom

- Visiting Chick & Jean's with Grandpa Guy

- Family date night (yet to be decided if it will be in the basement or out on the town)

And Mel is super excited that this summer is her's to ENJOY!

Test of Faith....continued

If you haven't read the previous post....read that first then come back to this one...

And first let me add to that last post that being a stay at home mom is a wonderful choice, it was just not one that I thought was for me. Please don't be offended by what I said yesterday - it was my total ignorance in my previous mindset.

So to continue...during the week of trials and life just pouring rain down on our little family, there were also amazing blessings:

Quitting the job - I feel like we just simplified our life x 100! I have felt weight lifted off of me that I didn't know I was carrying around. Such a liberating feeling.

Josh's work - You know they basically told Josh it was totally his fault, but the procedure was they had to do an investigation on the equipment. Turns out, after that investigation there was something wrong with the axel on the equipment and so it WAS NOT his fault...and he got paid for the day off! YIPPEE!

My doctor visit - they do the second blood test, which gives them a more accurate reading of what my body is actually doing, some kind of freeze your blood and then analyzing...but that came out in the normal range! On both the sugar and the calcium for the parathyroid. WOW!

Expenses will always come up - We are realizing quickly the difference between needs and wants. Seriously - where did all the $ go that I made?

And truthfully, I can see how this staying at home business could be slightly like the movie groundhog day. But, also I think about everything that I can focus on now, and all the time I have to strengthen my family and isn't that what this is all about? Being a great wife and mom. Giving 110% percent - to the things that really matter. Taking time to enjoy life, even if it means going for a walk is like your treat for the day. Ya know?

We found out several people closest to us are expecting. Which totals 3 in the immediate circle of family and friends. 7 people we closely associate that will be having a baby within the next 9 months. And that gives us great hope. HOPE is my favorite thing to feel. Hope that our baby is coming and that this is part of the journey for us. HOPE.

Brayden is happy. He has always been happy, but there is a certain comfort or peace in him now that wasn't there before. Maybe it is that he knows we are happier, or the spirit of our home has changed. Or that there will be more homemade cookies for him to enjoy.

It is AWESOME to me. Can you believe all that happened within 14 days.

What would all that make you think?

Again, for us it totally made us feel like we made the right decision and that someone was trying to put doubts and frustrations in our heads.

Totally AWESOME that Heavenly Father knows us so incredibly personally. And I know that if he knows me so incredibly personally he knows each of us so incredibly personally, and he is aware of our struggles and our desires. Over the past year, preparing and being approved for adoption Josh and I have grown in so many ways, that it just astounds us! All we can do is be grateful. Grateful and prayerful that we have come one step closer to being the adoptive family that our birth parent is looking for. Preparing to meet them and including them in our life.

We can't help but be excited to see what is next!

much love, josh & mel

Test of Faith

Seems like all we have been talking about is how I quit my job. And here is more of the story!

This may sound lame, but we think it is the truth. I have never felt satan working so hard on us, as those 2 weeks between the time I submitted my 2 week notice, until my last day of work.

But first I have to explain a little, if someone had told me 1 year ago that I would quit my job and be a 'stay at home mom' I would have told them they were crazy. I love to work! I have always thought a woman should have some means to provide for herself, I thought that it was a cop out to be a 'stay at home mom'. I am a person that needs to be 'contributing' financially, anyway, the list goes on and on. So, when we got our answer that it was necessary for me to quit to further our adoption process - I would have to say I seriously doubted that and pleaded and thought of a million reasons to keep working, but if the lord is going to bless us with a child, we need to be obedient. So, we are trying to be obedient.

Also, I can remember 2 things back in the beginning of the adoption process.

1 - Our case worker telling us that to increase our chances I would need to quit my job.

Of course when she said that, I was quite offended.

But I get it now. If I was a birthmom, I think I would prefer to place my child with someone who was a stay at home mom.

2 - In our education classes something that stood out was of course the birth mom panel. One of them talked about how they were told over and over again in many various ways that she can do hard things.

I personally think placing a baby is above all - the hardest thing to do - but that it is sometimes necessary to make us better people, and for some reason we don't know we agreed to do that back before we were on the earth.

Bottom line - birthparents are the most incredible people I have ever met.

I continue to meet some, that I never knew about in my personal life and I just hug them and want to bow at their feet, but instead I just hug and pray for them. Seriously amazing people.

But back to the test of faith...

Here are a few of the big tests that came up in a 14 day period.

1 - Day 1: This goes without being said, but me quitting my job was incredibly hard for me. (previously discussed above).

2 - Day 4: Josh gets suspended from his job. Keep in mind, Josh has worked there for 7 years and had a perfect record. Lots could go wrong in his line of duty and there are lots of safety precautions they have to take. So, anyway his supervisor had to go by policy and suspend him without pay for 1 day and do an investigation.

3 - Day 4: I have my last team meeting where I meet with all my closest co-workers and I have to say good-bye. I feel like I am ditching them, and I feel bad.

4 - Day 5: I go to the dr, and have a follow up to a previous appointment for a general check up. In this previous check up they took and tested my blood. The dr had me back in to discuss the results....Keep in mind, when I had my job, I had regular checkups, there was a few things here and there but never any hospitalizations, or surgeries, or really anything that would cause alarm. So in this dr appointment on day 5 he tells me that the blood work came back and it looks like I am a diabetic, and that I need to have my para thyroid removed.

WHAT!? In my favorite words - WTF!

This is not part of the deal! I just quit, and we can't have this happen now!

So the dr has me go down and get another blood test to confirm what he thinks and then we will go from there. So now I am totally freaking out - feels like we might have just made a mistake with all these things going on.

5 - Day 7: We are in church and someone was talking and they said "When you feel anxiety about a decision, you have to push through and have faith especially if you know it is an answer to your prayer." Josh and I both looked at each other and read each others mind.

6 - Day 10: Several extra expenses came up.

7 - Day 12: I set on the scale and have magically lost 16 pounds over the previous 12 days. This doesn't every happen. I can work my butt off and still my body hangs onto every pound.

So there is the list of the major things that went down...all in less that 2 weeks.

And it was further proof to Josh and I that we had made the right decision, but why else would be having so many problems come up? So, for us we found great comfort in those and we started having the attitude of bring it on! We can do this, we can do hard things especially if it brings us closer to finding our birthparents and doing hard things.

to be continued.... (all the positive things that came out of the tests)

love, josh and mel

Freedome came early!

YAHOO!
I put my 2 week notice in today at work!
My last day of work is 3/31/11.

Bring on spring, rejuvenation, cleaning, LOVE, cooking, enjoying, less money, learning to RELAX, projects, volunteering, more time, sleep, happiness!

I am so excited.
Thanks to the most amazing, supporting husband. I love you Josh! Wouldn't want to do it with out you honey!

I am pushing through the fear and going with our answer to our prayers.
Bring on the next chapter!

~Mel

stay at home mom

I have to tell you I can feel someone's hands on my back practically shoving me to quit my job.
Josh and I have set our goal for me to be a stay at home mom but our date is 12/1/2012.
Man I love and hate it when you are on the right track, but your timing is off.
I want to be one that can live by faith and just be at peace.
But instead I am one that has to have a, b, and c done.
I have a feeling I am not going to win this one...and that the new carpet will have to wait.
I hope this is you baby in heaven - shoving me to quit!

love, all of us

Tell me again of the night I was born...

Last sunday I visited with a birthmom. Cute girl lives in my ward and I was invited to visit with her for the month.

She is amazing! Beautiful, healthy, encouraging, loving.

I met her for the first time and in the first few minutes her mom asked if we could see her book? She beamed! And ran up to her room to get it.

This is a book that her adoptive family made for her.

You can tell this is one of her most precious possessions.

It was one of those picture books made from shutterfly or something like that...

But the adoptive family had placed pictures of their sweet baby girl and their cute family - and the words in the book were from this children's story book:

I am so grateful that I got to visit with her and that she is doing so well. As an adoptive couple I know there is a lot of quesitons and feelings about openness. And I was happy to see someone I know healed and happy and thriving. It brought peace to my heart.

Of course I can't wait to do the same for our sweet angel birthmom.

Props out to her adoptive family...such a cute idea!

love, mel

Happy Valentines Day!

For a FHE in January we each wrote each other 7 love notes.
Then on each day of the first 14 of february we each had a Valentine to open.
It was fun, and Brayden really enjoyed it!
Some were cute, some where coupons for different activity, some were funny.
This is by far the cutest one:

(This one is to Josh, from Brayden. It says:
Free Helper, Me and a cute stick figure.
Good for many times)

Then on each day for the first 14 days, cupid left love notes with different things for Brayden.
This was his favorite:

(One of Brayden's favorite treats - sparkling cider)
He was excited!

Emotional

I have cried every day the past week.
For those of you that know me, you know that is very abnormal.
I cry maybe once a month usually around my time of the month, or on Fast Sundays...
Every day this past week.
Josh asked me "why are you so emotional?"
I really have no idea, what I do know is that our birth parents are out there somewhere.
Somewhere and I feel like I am trying everything short of advertising in the newspaper or on a billboard.

I can't help but wonder if this is maybe a difficult time for our birthparents, or maybe this is the month our baby is conceived. I can't help but cry, just thinking of the possibilities. But I know you are out there and that you may be struggling, cause I can feel it.
I want you to know you are LOVED.
We can't wait to meet up so we can compare notes and time frames...but for now, on these days I will have to blog and pray that you are safe.

Lots of love and lots of tears this week,
Mel

Being APPROVED as an adoptive family

Josh's Thoughts: The feelings I felt was more mixture of relief and excitement of the possibility of whats to come. The relief because of all the work we had to go through. It was more of a weight coming off my shoulders. The excitement? Was the fact that we could have a child once a birthparent picks us! That was so exciting to me! Words can't explain the excitement. Those are the feelings I was having when we were approved. I couldn't wait to tell everyone!

Mel's Thoughts: I like to zone out and think/process in my mind while I drive, and I have a lot of time on the roads commuting to work, about 45 minutes there and 45 minutes back home. I love this time where I can just let my thoughts go.
The day we got approved was October 20, 2010. (Also my mom's birthday!) It was one of the very few times I felt total peace in my life. Indescribable, amazing feeling - I wish it could last forever. I remember just crying from the overwhelming feeling. Weird - I know, but even as I sit here and type this and remember that moment...I cry.
So, at times when life is hard, or I feel like by birthparents may never come...I remember that day and I can't deny that feeling! A feeling that we were doing the right thing and that our baby would come by some amazing vessel. That we would be lucky enough to adopt and to have a relationship with birthparents. I get home, and I am just an emotional wreck, and my sweet husband is just on cloud 9. It was an awesome day!

We can't wait to meet you!
love and hugs...your way!

It's my Birthday!

Happy Birthday to ME! I was too busy yesterday to post on my actual birthday...but here is how my day went:

Josh and Brayden woke up early and suprised me with breakfast in bed!

Handsome husband

Excited Brayden!

Birthday girl!
Good morning sunshine!
Isn't this the best picture of me you have seen! Wow...yes I did just roll out of bed.

The eggs and toast were yummy! I love starting the day out with breakfast in bed!

Thank you to my cute boys who suprised me!

Brayden went to school and Josh and I did our normal birthday celebrating...

Movie and the mall.

We went and saw 'The Fighter' - Awesome show! I thought it was a great show, great actors and it was inspiring of course! I loved it and could have cried at any moment, it is a great show about being victorious with our personal battles. Go see it!

We came home and ran errands and picked up Brayden from school.

Brayden showed us some awesome tricks on his new Wii game Santa brought - Tony Hawk skateboard game and yes...that is my big toe sticking out in the pic...oops.

showing off his tricks

Then we went to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, Texas Roadhouse - Yum!
Then we came home for some homemade birthday cake. Yes, I made my own cake, usually I buy them...but this year I wanted a perfect mint chocolate cake.
This was not the perfect cake....I don't know that I will make my own again. But it was delicious for homemade!


Do I feel older?...just a little.
Thanks for all the fun birthday wishes! I am getting use to facebook.
Thanks to my cute boys for making my day so fun! I love you both very much! xoxo

~Mel